Sanders' World Changing

Hey there, Beautiful? Me? Yes, you! Me, with the birthmark on my face? Yes, you! Me, with the frizzy hair? Yes! Me with the extra pounds? YYYYYYYYYYYYesssssssssssssssssssssss! Yes, you who thinks you are not pretty. The one who only sees this flaw or that. The one who can't see that you are beautiful exactly the way you are. Yes... you! Oh... me?! Yes, you are perfectly imperfect. You are a vision! You are more than you can ever imagine. You are wonderful. You are exactly as you should be. You are enough. I am not enough. Oh, but you are! You were given all that you need to be all that you can be. You are not who you were yesterday, you are different. Good different. And you know what? If you stop looking back and start looking ahead... you will be even more. But you said I am enough already. You are! You are enough! You have enough brains in your head to learn. You have enough get up and go to, well, get up and go. You have enough dreams to go catch some. You have be...

Hey there! Me? Yeah, you! I have been thinking about you! Me? Yes! You! ... Why? Because even though we have grown apart... or were never close to begin with .... or you were mean to me... or you broke my heart... or you never knew I existed....or we were best friends who tried to date and it didn't work... or we moved away from one another and lost contact... or we were in youth group together for just a little while... or I only met you that one time... or life happened.... or I haven't even met you in person.... or............ Even though we (insert relationship here), I cheer you on from afar. What? Yes. I love you. I care for you. I think about you. I want the best for you. For real? Yes! Why? Because I have been loved when I didn't deserve it. Because I have been cheered on by relative strangers. Because I have been forgiven. Because if you were in my heart once, you always will be. Because, you. .. are... worth it.

Walking through Panera with my Fuji Apple Chicken Salad to bring back to work, I witnessed two older gentlemen sitting across from one another at a table. Engaged in what seemed to be a very meaningful, in-depth conversation, I wondered what the topic could be. One man was African American and the other Caucasian. It was evident that they knew one another well and that their meetings were familiar. The way they sat directly across from one another at a table for four reflected an intimacy, although, not one of a romantic relationship, certainly a platonic one. Both men seemed to be upwards of eighty years old. If they can be friends after having lived through the civil rights movement, multiple wars, many Presidencies, etc... well, then... we can all learn something from them. I wish I had asked to join them. If I see them again another day, I will.

Eleven and seven. Today is the day that Mailan turns 11, which means today my girls are eleven and seven. For years I have said I will retire when the girls are 11 and 7. Now they are. . . and I am. I have a new feeling today. I am not sure what it is. I believe it is cross between happy, nostalgic, excited and a little scared. hm. That is all for now. Update: They are 12 and 8 and not a day goes by that I do not fully comprehend that retiring to home school them was one of the single most life impacting decisions I could ever make. I am so thankful. It is difficult, but it is worth it.

I awoke this morning to the squeaking of my 10 week old puppy, Barley, letting me know he was awake. So young, there is no waiting. When he is up, he needs to go out. I promptly took him out the front door and sat on the step as I waited for him to do his business. Immediately my brain turned on. I have to do the obstacle course training plan that K* asked for. Tomorrow is M's birthday, need to order cake. Booked two pet sitters for this weekend, that didn't make sense. Haven't done the budget this week, wonder if we are overdrawn. One idea to the next, nothing being accomplished. I was simply sitting on the front stoop letting these interconnecting, yet, separate thoughts dart in and out of my mind. It wasn't too long ago that this would increase my heart rate. I would sweat a bit. I would become overwhelmed quickly and retreat back to bed to try to steal a few more minutes of peaceful sleep before getting ready for work. No, it wasn't too long ago that I would ...

Having lived most of my childhood in a small town I was never far from the judging eyes of those who knew me and my family. I was only one of a few kids in my school that hailed from a broken home. My maternal grandfather was a prominent man in our town, my father a former cop trying to make ends meet by farming. I was pulled in different directions, often being expected to take sides. However, I chose to only select one side, the side of love and grace. I have spent most of my life being different… and I never plan to change.                  I was born in upstate New York and while the majority of my friends had a working father and a stay-at-home mother, my parents divorced when I was a toddler. I believe the first time I knew I had depression was when I was eleven. I cried myself to sleep and felt a dark cloud over me most of the time. Although my mother was the most loving person I knew, she and step fa...

Recently I missed a goal I had set for myself. This goal, in particular, is recurring every 6 months. I had achieved the goal twice in a row and believed I would reach it again. I worked hard but I did not make it this time. So what did I do? I asked my leader for feedback. What does she see in me that I do not. What pruning still needs to be done so that I don't miss this benchmark again. I asked for the good, bad and ugly. Often times we find ourselves wanting only positive feedback, but positive feedback alone doesn't promote growth. Knowing where we fall short can help us immensely. So I wait for her response. Update: My leader was so impactful. She spoke truth in love and pointed me in a direction of personal growth that I never saw coming. I still haven't reached that one goal I was working towards, but I know I will. I trust the process.

 I awoke today and realized I have exactly three days until we bring the puppy home, 23 days until the household goods movers come, 27 days until we move into our new place, 61 days until my terminal leave begins and the girls begin homeschool a day later. Life is coming at me quickly. Almost as fast as the fireworks shot towards Clara. I am excited for the new wild ride, and yet, would like time to slow down just a bit. I guess I did slow down because I never did finish this. The new puppy, Barley, has not been home four nights. He is doing well and is such a sweet little blessing to our family. I feel he has already gained weight. I wish he would slow down. When my plate is full, like it normally is, I tend to only tend to that which will fall off first. This is similar to the squeaky wheel gets the grease idea. The problem with this, however, is that sometimes that which truly needs my attention the most is quiet as a field mouse. So in the moments tha...

Each year we have a big convention for our business. It is in Dallas, Texas and it is amazing! Like the world's best training and pep rally in one. Nothing less than first rate and it will change lives. This year, the event falls on the same day of my older sister's hysterectomy. Now, when I had my hysterectomy I almost died. Literally. So, what do I do? Do I go to Dallas knowing that it will help energize me and allow me to receive invaluable training while spending time alone with my husband over a few days. Do I go to New York to be near my sister, even though she said not to come because she would rather me come back when she is able to spend more quality time with me? Or do I stay in Virginia with my girls so that I can be less than a day's drive from my sister should she need me while also saving money and leave days? The pull to do each of the three is very strong. The opinions given to me for each is, at times, even stronger. S...