I have always been different

Having lived most of my childhood in a small town I was never far from the judging eyes of those who knew me and my family. I was only one of a few kids in my school that hailed from a broken home. My maternal grandfather was a prominent man in our town, my father a former cop trying to make ends meet by farming. I was pulled in different directions, often being expected to take sides. However, I chose to only select one side, the side of love and grace. I have spent most of my life being different… and I never plan to change.

                I was born in upstate New York and while the majority of my friends had a working father and a stay-at-home mother, my parents divorced when I was a toddler. I believe the first time I knew I had depression was when I was eleven. I cried myself to sleep and felt a dark cloud over me most of the time. Although my mother was the most loving person I knew, she and step father fought seemingly constantly and I did not talk about it openly. I questioned my self-worth and began to fight off sadness through overeating. At age twelve, I chose to live with my father and stepmother. That choice was a pivotal life decision as it set my life trajectory towards hard work and moral values, instilling in me a sense of deep personal integrity. Caring for animals taught me about the circle of life, to trust my instincts, and how to love unconditionally. The valuable lessons from the farm, and a stable parental team, seemed a world apart from some of my peers who lied to their parents and disrespected themselves. I was different.

                Instead of going to a large college near my hometown, I chose to follow my father to Virginia where I was an out of state resident who could only afford a small community college. When my father was stricken with cancer, I chose to leave Piedmont Community college and join the U.S. Navy. The Navy taught me Vietnamese and I spent much of my time at a shore-based station in Hawaii. Those years were wonderful. The Navy got me out of small towns and allowed me to be a part of something different. Those years were also emotionally difficult. I lost my Dad to colon cancer and I longed to be home to take care of my family during those fleeting fragile moments.  Duty called, though, and I was unable to simply return home whenever I wanted. My life was different.

In June of 2003, Joe and I met while in a Navy-sponsored Bachelor’s degree program. He was a motivated man with two dogs and a smile that caught my eye. I was dreamer who believed in fate. We started as friends, quickly fell in love, and married the following January. We continued our Navy studies and worked part-time jobs together for added income. Mailan, our oldest daughter, was born in Virginia and then the Navy shipped us to Hawaii. In 2009, while pregnant with our second daughter, Clara, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer and the fragility of our own lives became clear. Fortunately, we were blessed and I received proper medical treatment and was cancer free one year after Clara’s birth, however; being thousands of miles away from family during that time was heart-wrenching. We knew it was time to move back to Virginia, closer to our family and where we may choose to retire.

Our daughters know the difficulties that come with life of the military child. Theirs is compounded by having two military parents. At times, both Joe and I have been gone. Most mornings, Mailan and Clara wake up to a babysitter. They know what it is like to be different than other kids and, thankfully, they also know our duty to our country is not forever. They know this lifestyle will end soon and a much better one will begin. They know they are different.

When I retire this Fall after 20 years in the Navy, I believe I will be free to pursue a new path once again. I plan to continue my academic pursuits with another post-graduate degree in Life Coaching so that I may specialize in helping adolescent girls through what proved in my life to be the most challenging times. For retirement, I will receive a sizable pension for the duration of my life which will allow me to retire with dignity. However, it is not enough for our wildest dreams to come true. Therefore, we will also continue to build our Advocare business so that we may live extraordinary lives.

It is also our intent to home school our daughters so that they can become ladies of purpose. Having control of their education, in tandem with having the time freedom homeschooling allows, will fill our hearts seeing our girls enjoying their youth. “For special places to work their magic on kids,” wrote Robert Michael Pyle, “they need to be able to do some clamber and damage… to be free to climb trees, muck about, catch things, and get wet—above all, to leave the trail.” Homeschooling will allow us all to work and play the days away. Homeschooling is different.

Time passes quickly. One day our daughters will have families of their own. Actively raising them during their most formidable years will instill in them a strong moral compass that will carry through to their children’s children. Joe and I both lost our parental providers early in life. They were unable to set up nest eggs to pass on.  This is a serendipitous opportunity for our family to leave the trail and to live out an otherwise unattainable future… a chance to continue to be different.