First love, first heart break. Loving anyway.

A story based on real events:

Molly's first ever heart break. She and our friends' son Chris developed crushes on one another this spring. We were NOT ready for Molly to have this interest, but we knew that we had to navigate this prayerfully because how we responded in those moments would set us up for all future conversations on the topic of boys, love, etc. So--I met with the boy's mom and we agreed to let them talk on a one on one boy-to-girl level. Nothing private, controlled, overseen, but still, we allowed it to move forward. The boy is incredible. He is a God lover, intelligent kid with true passion and commitment. He sets the bar high. For the past 7 or 8 months we have fostered their friendship and led them as best we could. His mom and I have become truly amazing friends. It is like God gave me her when He gave Molly this first boyfriend. --- well, then they moved away and we visited, but distance stinks and long distance relationships are always hard...especially as 12 and 13 years old. So--- this weekend we learned that Chris would be breaking up with Molly with the hope they would still be friends, still do their weekly devotional together etc. Nothing would really change except the title of "boyfriend/girlfriend". I spoke to Molly first because I needed to soften the blow. --- THE HEARTACHE felt like someone was ripping me open. My daughter’s tears, her face, her realization that her perfect dream of life with this boy has been altered forever. I watched her grow up in a moment and it nearly broke me for a minute. Then I saw her go from sad to mad. She packed up everything that reminded her of him and put in in a box with the help of her dad. We went to Books a Million and as we walked in she said to her little sister Caryn, “Caryn, if there is anything you want from here that is like $5 or less I will buy it for you because today I choose to be happy”.

And instantly my heart was full again. That precious warrior child. More of an example to me at age 12 than most people in their whole lives. But wait… there is more…

She chose not to speak to Chris for about 48 hours, but then we explained the need for her to hear his voice and for him to "man up" for lack of better term. So--- in preparation for that call last night I was able to speak to Molly about God's best. We have always referred to a made up scale in which all boys from here out would be referred to on the ‘Chris Factor’. He set the bar high from day one. He isn’t perfect by any means. But he is respectful, an excellent communicator, in touch with his emotions and loves the Lord. All wins for any man, hard to find in a boy.

In speaking to Molly I used my hands and put it up to about my eye level and said “this is Chris, right?” She said  yes. Then I said, “what if you needed to go through this hardship by being broken up with by Chris to find, oh pick a name, let’s call him Henry” (because she doesn’t know any Henrys). “wouldn’t you rather have some heartbreak to find your Henry who is up here?” she agreed.

I illustrated it a few different ways, to include Chris. “Maybe Chris is supposed to be up here (raising my hand higher), and the only way for him to grow is to go through hurting someone he loves and her still being there for him, despite her hurt? Wouldn’t you think it would be ok for you to be hurt if it means your friend can become more of who he is meant to be?”. Molly agreed.

Then, I went on Facebook and showed her a picture of Jon. She asked “who is that?”. I said “that is my friends’ son. He is an incredible 14-year-old young man who has been all around the world. He is seeking a quality education and has already been able to meet world dignitaries. He is able to navigate Japanese subway system to get to where he needs to go and through his mom’s Facebook I know that he is someone that will be way up here (putting my hand higher than it has been). But he isn’t who he is going to be yet. He will continue to grow and learn and one day do amazing things. What if he wasn’t given that freedom?”. Molly said, “but mom, who is he, like why is he relevant to me?”

I said, “that is ‘Jon hold my haaaaaaaaaand’ Jon”… and she immediately knew who I was referring to. And she blushed. Jon was Molly’s first ever crush. I walked into their preschool one day to pick Molly up and all the kids were looking at the teacher who was reading a book at the time. All the kids, except Jon. Jon was looking at Molly.  Molly said Jon held her hand that day and that Jon was a “handsome man”, a phrase we used to describe her father.

So, last night, I said “Molly, you have picked quality boys to have a crush on since you were 2 years old. I have no doubt that whomever God has picked for your husband one day will be more than anything you can imagine at 12 years old. I know you are hurt. I know Chris seems like a jerk right now. But remember why you love him in the first place. All his amazing traits. Those haven’t gone away just because he was honest about the pressure of a long distance relationship. Remember that love is a choice. You choosing to love someone unconditionally means, despite their actions you will love them. It doesn’t mean you have to like what they do. It doesn’t mean you have to see them or have them in your daily life. It just means that you love, even when it is hard, even when it hurts.

My daughter grew up quicker this weekend than either of us were ready for. But I grew more. Through my daughter, I see beauty in pain, grace in weakness, and hope in a broken world.