Sanders' World Changing

Less than two weeks ago I was in conversation with my friend about her new blog. I confessed that I love my story. All of it. The good, bad and oh-so-ugly. I love writing about it. I know I am not a prolific writer. I am quite sure a Pulitzer will never be awarded in my honor. It wasn't until this year, while homeschooling my 8th grader, that I learned about a comma splice, and I am quite certain this sentence is a run on. Anyway, I told my friend that I would love to continue blogging and maybe write a book. That there are too many facets to this diamond to not share it with others. More specifically, I thought I would one day share my story on stage and on the screen... somehow. She told me to go for it. Less than two weeks later my story has been picked up for a new project. How the end piece will look, I do not know. What I do know, however, is that I get to choose what I will say and that is liberating. And frightening. And awesome. I will share more when I can. Ther...

       After waiting on the stone boulders at the bottom of Nellie Hill near Grammie's house like every other morning, I climbed up the elementary school bus steps expecting to see the same handful of kids I was used to seeing. This specific day, however, a new person was sitting in one of the front left seats. I had never seen this person before or if I had, I had never seen this person like this. I froze. Anxiety overcame me, and my face began to heat quickly. My heart beat as if it were in my throat and I ran. I literally ran down the steps, off the bus, and across the lawn back toward the house. I fell on my way up the cement walkway and tore a hole in my pants. Before I knew it, I was entering in the back door crying to my Grandmother that I could not go back on the bus. I did not tell her why. She did not ask. She drove me to school.       The next morning, I stalled. I said my stomach hurt. I said I couldn't find my shoes. I d...

A STORY ABOUT MY KITCHEN SINK: Picture a kitchen sink with two sides. Each side has a drain. Typically each drain would have a pipe that runs down and the two pipes would meet underneath the sink to connect and form one bigger pipe that drains to the ocean just like in 'Finding Nemo'. Now picture that the left pipe is missing. And the water is on. The water is still able to drain, though. Now over the years the pipe on the right side starts to get a little build up. Maybe some oil and grease  coat it a little. You don't notice as it happens because it is gradual. The water can still drain. It just drains a little slower. Over time even more build up. A little slower. More build up. Over time a little slower. Get the picture? In this scenario, imagine in this scenario that the water can never be turned off and eventually you realize the water does not drain like it used to. The water is not able to get down the drain and is backing up into the sin...

I have made many financial mistakes. I came from a unique financial makeup, split family in which my mother and father always worked very hard, but separately two households,  part single income mother, part we had “what we needed”, part police officer dad,  part we worked for rich farmers and had amazing opportunities, part we had incredibly generous grandparents, very much dysfunctional, money was not exactly spoken about, taught by example to cyclically get in and out of debt because someone will bail you out until there is no one left to bail you out, until one day the term “over your head” became a reality. The idea that a dual military couple making well over six figures that could “make the payments” were in such a financial crisis mode was such a foreign concept to me, until it wasn’t. Until it was me.  We are not out of debt yet. We aren’t even close but we are getting closer.  For transparency sake, though, I stopped focusing on getting out of debt...

I felt so lost. Just derailed. Satan always knows how to mess with God’s gals. But he never wins. I felt sick. Like a pit in my stomach. Paralyzed. I knew what to do but just didn’t do it. Derailed by my own choices. Yesterday I had enough! I reached out to a few warrior friends and today feel better already. Not 100%. Not even close to it, but, getting there. I am telling you this because I know you go through similar seasons. When I get smacked down it shows in all aspects of my life. Like a spiral down. But, God is so good that when I simply turned toward Him, the spiral changed course. Back up. Re-focus. I seem to do this all to often, but, at least I do it right? My character is in question, I know, because I should have slayed my dragons and let them die a long time ago but old habits die hard. Idols  are idols and they show up when I am weak. Lately my idols have been food and time wasters. So, now I put on my big girl britches, make a to do list and get it done.

     Our house on Sugar Maple Leaf Farm sat nearly a half mile off the road. I would trek to the school bus at quarter past six each morning. Down the small hill, around the corner and then straight past the garden, gas pumps, owner's house and alpaca field. One particularly cold winter morning, as I headed out the door, my father reminded me to check the pen on my way through as one of the babies were due any time.        A quick glance in the direction of the animals confirmed that one of the babies was indeed born, perhaps only minutes prior. As I moved in for a closer look, I could see steam rising from the snow. A cria (newborn alpaca) laid alone, abandoned by its mother. I quickly alerted my father and we scooped the baby from the freezing snow bed and hustled inside the nearby house. Unlike the mama alpaca, our instincts kicked in. Dad and I knew if the alpaca was to live he needed to be warmed. He would need to eat at some point, but his ...

When I was maybe 7 or 8, old enough to read but still small enough to fit into the little kid rocking chair in my grandmothers front room, I chose to read the Bible. After a spell, she entered the room and asked what I was reading. I told her I had read Pee-Salms and was now looking at Pro-verbs, which is fitting because I now fully realize my grandmother was the epitome of a Proverbs 31 woman. As she looked over my shoulder, I told her I had no idea how someone could read the whole thing. The print in her Bible was so tiny, there were so many pages and there were NO pictures! I figured this made her chuckle because she was a librarian and I anticipated she would say what most people would say, “start at the beginning’, but she didn’t. Grammie said, “start at Matthew”. Start at Matthew, I did, but it would be years before I fully understood what that truly meant. Grammie didn't sit down and explain the gospel to me. She simply pointed me in the right direction, and the Truth met ...

One summer, when I was probably only about 10 or so, I went to Pennsylvania to visit some family. They were all registered for a race that weekend (my aunt a marathon, the girls a 2 miler) and they wanted me to enter, too. I said I had never run before, but I would. It was a straight out and back run almost all uphill for the first half. As I rounded the cone at the turn, I could see how far I had come, but I could also see that there was no one behind me. I was in last place and I had half the run remaining. I still had so far to go, but I kept putting one foot in front of the other until the end. When it was time for the awards to be given out I listened to the voice over the loud speaker said, “in third place in the under 11 age division, Carrie Grey”. What? Yes, I got 3rd in my age group even though I came in dead last. When I returned to Dover, I told Grammie about it and she asked to see my trophy. I told her it was silly because "I didn’t deserve it". Not everyone des...

One-day Grammie said I could have milk and cookies. As I walked to the kitchen she said “be careful pouring the milk” …. Well, you know what happened next, I spilled the milk. I spilled the milk all over her kitchen carpet. CARPET in the kitchen, I am so glad that trend is over, but anyway… I thought for sure she would be so upset with me that I frantically tried to clean the milk myself. On my hands and knees in the kitchen, a dozen paper towels laid out I froze when I saw her feet just a few paces away. I looked up and prepared for the “I told you to be careful” speech but Grammie didn’t say a word, she simply crouched down next to me and helped me clean it up. She taught me that when you see a need you don’t ask if they need help, you just figure out a way and help.