Sanders' World Changing

In 2001, while I was stationed in Hawaii,  two of my childhood besties came to visit. While at the famous stadium flea market or some other souvenir hot spot, we bought aloha heart charms painted with our names and flowers and committed to keeping the baubles hung around our car rear view mirrors. Since 2001,  I have probably owned 8 different cars and the charm hung around every one.  For most of those years my name charm hung in front of a wooden cross, until one day the necklace holding the cross broke. The name heart remained. While driving north to Pennsylvania yesterday I was listened to an audio book titled, Girls With Swords, by Lisa Bevere. She spoke in depth, and seemingly effortlessly, about how women need to rise up and fight for what's right. She talked about  changing the spacing of the letters of God's word and getting the words God Sword. The imagery was much better than I could give justice to, if you want to know more about that, definitely read h...

In a world of people, I can feel alone. Completely whole, I can feel broken. Fully mature, I can act childish.  I forget where I came from, but more importantly, Whose I am. It is when these things happen regularly that I know there is a problem with me. A problem with my thinking. A problem with my heart.  The sayings are true, “you cannot pour from an empty cup” and “put your oxygen mask on first”, etc.  So, the next few days are my cup filling, mask wearing, Carrie finding days.  I am checking out of my normal and spending time at the Fearless ladies retreat that I have been planning to attend for the better part of this year. There have been obstacles in the way that could have kept me from making it to my destination. Exhaustion, distance, money, physical health, just to name a few. But, the truth is, I cannot say “I need some time to get away and be refilled” and not take the opportunity that has been on my heart for so long...

There is a song by Luke Combs called Beautiful Crazy.  The first line does not describe me at all, but the rest of the song, well, I feel like those are words my husband could have written about me before. Before. Before, what? I guess that is the question, right? People say things like, "the honeymoon is over". We didn't get married for a honeymoon. We didn't plan a honeymoon on purpose. We got married because we wanted to be together and buy a house and start a life and be committed. And we are. We still never had a honeymoon. We do have a cruise booked for six months from now that will be the first solo vacation he and I will ever take that didn't include a Navy port call. That's pretty cool, but, that's not the point of this message. Wedding vows say, "for better or for worse" for a reason. That reason is because there will be worse but there will also be better. Right now I am going through some medical things that also effect me...

Less than two weeks ago I was in conversation with my friend about her new blog. I confessed that I love my story. All of it. The good, bad and oh-so-ugly. I love writing about it. I know I am not a prolific writer. I am quite sure a Pulitzer will never be awarded in my honor. It wasn't until this year, while homeschooling my 8th grader, that I learned about a comma splice, and I am quite certain this sentence is a run on. Anyway, I told my friend that I would love to continue blogging and maybe write a book. That there are too many facets to this diamond to not share it with others. More specifically, I thought I would one day share my story on stage and on the screen... somehow. She told me to go for it. Less than two weeks later my story has been picked up for a new project. How the end piece will look, I do not know. What I do know, however, is that I get to choose what I will say and that is liberating. And frightening. And awesome. I will share more when I can. Ther...

       After waiting on the stone boulders at the bottom of Nellie Hill near Grammie's house like every other morning, I climbed up the elementary school bus steps expecting to see the same handful of kids I was used to seeing. This specific day, however, a new person was sitting in one of the front left seats. I had never seen this person before or if I had, I had never seen this person like this. I froze. Anxiety overcame me, and my face began to heat quickly. My heart beat as if it were in my throat and I ran. I literally ran down the steps, off the bus, and across the lawn back toward the house. I fell on my way up the cement walkway and tore a hole in my pants. Before I knew it, I was entering in the back door crying to my Grandmother that I could not go back on the bus. I did not tell her why. She did not ask. She drove me to school.       The next morning, I stalled. I said my stomach hurt. I said I couldn't find my shoes. I d...

A STORY ABOUT MY KITCHEN SINK: Picture a kitchen sink with two sides. Each side has a drain. Typically each drain would have a pipe that runs down and the two pipes would meet underneath the sink to connect and form one bigger pipe that drains to the ocean just like in 'Finding Nemo'. Now picture that the left pipe is missing. And the water is on. The water is still able to drain, though. Now over the years the pipe on the right side starts to get a little build up. Maybe some oil and grease  coat it a little. You don't notice as it happens because it is gradual. The water can still drain. It just drains a little slower. Over time even more build up. A little slower. More build up. Over time a little slower. Get the picture? In this scenario, imagine in this scenario that the water can never be turned off and eventually you realize the water does not drain like it used to. The water is not able to get down the drain and is backing up into the sin...

I have made many financial mistakes. I came from a unique financial makeup, split family in which my mother and father always worked very hard, but separately two households,  part single income mother, part we had “what we needed”, part police officer dad,  part we worked for rich farmers and had amazing opportunities, part we had incredibly generous grandparents, very much dysfunctional, money was not exactly spoken about, taught by example to cyclically get in and out of debt because someone will bail you out until there is no one left to bail you out, until one day the term “over your head” became a reality. The idea that a dual military couple making well over six figures that could “make the payments” were in such a financial crisis mode was such a foreign concept to me, until it wasn’t. Until it was me.  We are not out of debt yet. We aren’t even close but we are getting closer.  For transparency sake, though, I stopped focusing on getting out of debt...

I felt so lost. Just derailed. Satan always knows how to mess with God’s gals. But he never wins. I felt sick. Like a pit in my stomach. Paralyzed. I knew what to do but just didn’t do it. Derailed by my own choices. Yesterday I had enough! I reached out to a few warrior friends and today feel better already. Not 100%. Not even close to it, but, getting there. I am telling you this because I know you go through similar seasons. When I get smacked down it shows in all aspects of my life. Like a spiral down. But, God is so good that when I simply turned toward Him, the spiral changed course. Back up. Re-focus. I seem to do this all to often, but, at least I do it right? My character is in question, I know, because I should have slayed my dragons and let them die a long time ago but old habits die hard. Idols  are idols and they show up when I am weak. Lately my idols have been food and time wasters. So, now I put on my big girl britches, make a to do list and get it done.